A friend on mine has a blog...she mentioned she was keeping it real...in that spirit so will I. I always pride myself on being honest with things, because as Christians we should be honest with our struggles, that is how others grow...and heck, it just makes everyone realize they and YOU are normal. So...here we go...last night it came back. What you ask? The Baby Blues. If you aren't familiar with this....it is like the mini me version of Post Partum Depression. I don't get it horribly bad, but I get it. I got it with Ragon, and was hoping to avoid it with Greyson. But whatever I was hoping, here it is. If you have had it - pray for me. If you have not, just know it could happen to you. The reason this is important? Because it can freak you out. I sat here this morning and wait for it....I was crying because I was crying. Yep - I felt bad for feeling bad. Today I have felt: 1) like a crappy mom because i can't pick up my 20 month old or get down and play with her well. 2) Like a crappy wife - my husband does everything and I mean everything and there isn't anything I can do for him. 3)nauseated: I feel sick to my stomach during this time so I am forcing down food to keep up my breast milk 4) ridiculous - why am I crying, my children are healthy and alive, i have a wonderful husband, etc. So there it is folks - the down and dirty on me.
All this to say, pray for me and my family. I hate this part of the process. But I am praying and relying on God to take this from me.
Finally, and a random thought. If you want to think I am weird go ahead, I am used to it. My sister adopted her three children. I learned on her blog that some (adoptive) moms decide to nurse their children. To do this, many use this awesome contraption and other mother's breast milk to get their milk to come in. This round my breast milk is some good stuff. I am talking half and half people. With Ragon it was skim milk. Anyway - all that to say - if you know someone who is adopting and planning on trying to breastfeed, these women have to track down the breast milk. Let me know. Leave a comment, your e-mail, phone or something. But I would love to pump and save up for some mom....Breastfeeding your children is so fun and bonding, and not everyone CAN do it....so if you CAN and you want to.....let me know! And no it isn't for sale, it is a gift....and no I don't need to know them. I learned from a good friend Kim, you don't have to know someone to have an amazing impact on their life.....
Baby Girl is 12 Today!
11 years ago
7 comments:
First, I love you and am praying for you. Second, I am so sorry! I know you must feel like you SHOULD be happy. But the honest truth is, that even if you don't have raging hormones like a mom who just gave birth...sometimes you still are sad and confused. I remember thinking with Cooper, holy poop, what did we just do??? Can we handle this? Your mind races and you are sleep deprived no less! These are all things I was feeling and I didn't have the hormones to make it worse. Can you imagine where I would have been had there been a gash in my belly, huge boobs, and hormones??? Well, let's just not go there!
I love you. Thanks for sharing for so many reasons I can't even mention. It just makes us all feel real! So proud of you! You are an amazing woman, mommy, wife and Christian.
Your baby sister!
Becki, my heart is aching for you right now. I totally understand the blues you are experiencing. When Ella was born, I was a mere 25years old, living in OKC away from my folks, and Micah was in his final year of dental school. I was a hot mess. I cried every single night for three weeks as soon as it got dark at night. I also got the dreaded mastitis and thought I was going to DIE! You are not going crazy and you most certainly are not alone. I remember feeling soooo lonely at night while nursing, like I was the only one that could help her and I almost resented Micah for not being able to feed her! ha!
I don't really know how or when the blues went away, but they certainly did, and yours will too.
As far as your milk bar is concerned... Miss R has actually asked me to nurse the baby. It's pretty important to her! :) I will sure give it a try! I really mourned my milk drying up after Lucy died so I am excited to have the chance to nurse again. I'll talk to you more later about this!
BTW, when are you moving into TC? Where in the addition will you be? The house next to mine is for sale! Wink Wink!!
I can hardly wait to meet you for real! I am glad you are keeping it real...it's the only way! I just hope that my post didn't upset you this morning...I sure didn't mean to.
~kim
becki,
i love you and will be praying for you...to have little ones so close together is more difficult than most know...there will be times that everyone is crying and that is okay...it doesn't last long...know that it is a season and it is real...kris thought i had anger issues after avery, and i wouldn't describe myself as angry...we were getting ready for church one Sunday, and kris woke up Major...i went nuts...why would you intentionally wake up our 13-month old when you could be helping with baby A? i mean i would like to take a shower and fix my hair for once this week...your hormones are NUTS right now...sleep when greyson is sleeping...all the other things will get done...your house doesn't need to be perfect and everyone can eat sandwiches for a year if necessary...you are not alone...please call if you need to talk to someone your own age.
Becki...I am praying for you. I know that you are an incontrol girl and it must really suck to have things out of your hands. I am so proud of you for acknowleding that you needed to ask for God to take this from you. So many moms wollow in the pity and miss soooo many wonderful things with their children. Daniel and David are alot alike! Such family guys who will do it all! Amazing Men we have! Know that you are loved and we are praying for you!!! BTW..I called myself the milk cow while nursing Jordann...so much sooo her nickname is moo-moo! :)
I am convinced that Baby Blues are a way for us moms to get rid of those extra hormones we were storing up for the bun that was in our oven. SO let those tears flow!!! Its OK....I promise. It doesn't make you ungrateful or selfish. I remember getting mad at myself for crying. Cling to that cross you have. I was amazed by the peace I received when I prayed and told Jesus I needed him to comfort me. Then those tears turned into a sweet release that prepared me for my new adventure!
Love you, Dee
Praying for you Becki! Thanks for keeping it real! Greyson sure is a cutie!
Becki,
Thank you for this post. It does make us other moms feel like we are normal. I have had way more emotional moments this time around myself and find myself on the brink of tears over nothing. Why should I feel sad or emotional? I got to bring home a healthy baby, I have a healthy, active 2 year old at home, etc. I feel the same way as far as not being able to play with Ky like I "used" to, or not being able to move as quickly and I am realizing I might have some serious control issues as I am having to ask for help and I am not good at that. I am one who would rather just do things for myself. I too am thankful for an incredible husband who is so helpful, but I feel guilty for that also. I also loved your post from this morning, well I read it this morning, the cross one. You are an incredible momma and I am praying for you...I get my good praying in in the middle of the night, so when you are up feeding Grey know that someone is praying for you!! :) Where are you moving by the way? I saw Kim wrote TC and my neighborhood has those same initials....just wondering??
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