Sunday, November 30, 2008

Yeah......Kind of....


Ragon has been in love with Elmo lately. Especially Elmo's Potty Time. We watch it all the time...she also has a potty. (See Picture) The potty shows up all over my house. I am not sure why, but she likes to carry it around, store toys in it, cleans it...but she doesn't seem to want to go potty in it.....UNTIL tonight. Tonight, I was in the bathroom getting ready and I simply said "Ragon, can you pee pee in your potty?"...she hopped right on, sat down, put her little knees together and concentrated real hard. And then it happened.....PEEPEE!!!!! Only one minor problem and I am not quite sure how this happened....the peepee went forward and not down. So the peepee didn't quite go in the potty, more like on the floor in a puddle in front of her. I was trying to hard not to laugh and attempted to cheer (I should have cheered right? I mean she didn't mean for it to come out that way!). Anyway - she was very excited, and we gave her a little toy (neat idea: keep all the toys from drive through happy meals etc. in a box, use them as rewards for potty training - I never stop being cheap people!)


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Next, I have a bone to pick with some of you. Yes - I am on maternity leave, I have no life, my blog is my outreach to you who still have lives....I run into people and they comment how funny they thought something was or how sweet something was...but you know what? NO COMMENT. I am sick of it! So you are busted....I put a counter on my blog...just so I know you were there! So Clint Patterson - leave a comment! Christy Bergman - I know you are reading this! Kim Wilson - what you didn't think I would say your name did you? What about you Dad - you keep cheating and sending me e-mails. Last but not least - DAVID (my hubby) and faithful blog reader has NOT ONCE left a comment....Well - I won't tolerate it...leave a comment. You don't have to have a blog account, just leave an anonymous comment and sign your name. So there you have it. Do I have to give away a prize to get you people to say something?

Saturday, November 29, 2008

One Month Old....


On Thanksgiving, how fitting, my little man was one month old. Funny, really he should have been one week old. At his appointment this week he weighed 9 lbs. 11 oz. I told you my breastmilk was good stuff this time! Anywho, my awesome nurse from Saint Francis took family pictures last week too. As you can see they are posted all over my site (someone tell me how to fix the picture so it is in the middle). Her blog is on the left and her website is also under my "favorites". She is an amazing nurse, and photographer. Check her stuff out! So here is a picture of Grey Man....he is so very sweet. He is an all around good baby. You can take him anywhere...but you can't nurse him anywhere, he sounds like a little pig stuck under a blanket...it is really quite funny. We also got our Christmas stuff up today....so exciting..will post those pictures later. Wanted this to mostly be about Greyson and how thankful we are for his arrival into our family.


Greyson - you are all I ever hoped you would be. Your the sweetest little boy. You are so calm and relaxed. You are so sweet when sissy wants to hold you...even though it is by your head....you just sit there and enjoy the love. You are so flexible. You just hang out with the family, and rarely make a peep. You have the most beautiful blue eyes. You are a good eater and just look around when you decide to take five minutes and wake up. You are rather gassy, but I figure it comes with the "boy" territory. Son - always know your Mommy loves you.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Shocker....I'm Thankful....

I know, big stinking deal, I am thankful for some things. I am thankful for a lot....but am I thankful for the right things? For this to make more sense, click here (read Redeemed).

Would I be thankful if bad things had happened to me? My life has been easy. Sure I struggled with infertility - but come on...it was only three years, and I have two kids now. Big whoop. I read a blog today about being thank FOR everything, not just IN everything. I thought to myself, that was easy....My life has been relatively easy. But can I just be honest for a second? Do I really want to know? I don't....not because I don't want God's will. I do. I look back on the tough times my life...rough marriage times, David's burns, our infertility....but that is kind of it. They were rough at the time....but as I sit here tonight, I really don't have anything that was so bad, that I have to work at thanking God for it....so why am I writing this? Because I am scared.....I don't want to be tested. I don't want God to "check and see" if I will be faithful, thankful, loyal, praise him, etc. And that makes me ashamed....I don't want to be tested, not because I don't think I will be faithful, but because I don't want to feel the pain of growth. I am weak....

I also recognize that Satan doesn't attack the weak...he attacks the strong....How sad for me to have snuggled into a safe place of being luke warm...where I won't and cannot grow. I recognize I have let the fear take over and am not trusting God, but I am being honest at the feelings I was having tonight as I read the blog. Yes I am thankful, but could I sit here and say to God I would be thankful if he had taken my son at his birth, instead of letting me take him home?.....I hope so...but I just don't know that I could get to thankful....

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Ragon's Big Girl Room







This is Ragon's Big Girl Room. I love it. I made the drapes, ordered the bedspread from WalMart of all places (for a whopping $51.00). I made the letters from stuff at Hobby Lobby (total $14.89) The bed, dresser and table by rocker are from my Grandmother JoJo's house. I had them painted black and distressed (Free). The end tables I bought from a garage sale for $25 total!!!!






On a different note, if you are wondering why the weird spelling on Ragon's name, here is the scoop. Ragon is Ragon Joslin Francy. Ragon is from David's family. It is David's grandfather's, Dick Lane, grandmother's maiden name. They say everyone loved Grandma Ragon. Dick passed away a year before Ragon was born, but he was a good man, with a very gentle spirit. He played the trumpet at our wedding and it was beautiful.






Joslin is her middle name. This is my mother's maiden name. My maternal grandfather, Josh Joslin, was my "Paco". He passed away when I was a kiddo. He was a giant Santa Clause looking man with a kindness that reminds me of my husband! My Paco was a wonderful man, whom I loved dearly. I love hearing my mom tell stories of him, she still calls him Daddy....

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Cool Cool Cool Tricks......

Well if you are cool, and I know you are, you watch Yo Gabba Gabba....and on Yo Gabba, they have a portion of the show called "Cool Tricks". Ragon loves this part. If you can see on both video's the girl is named Rebecca, she does Tai Kwan Doe...apparently so does Ragon. Watch the second video, not such good Tai Kwan Doe, but she does get the bow in. What is so funny is that she knows when it is coming, watch the TV in the background, she bows when the girl does....This might not be as funny to you....And no...we don't live in PJ's...

video

Here is the one with the timely bow...

video

On an entirely separate note, we went to the Jenks Holiday Parade this weekend. Apparently the Parade was for Ragon....to her, a huge group of people came down Main street in Jenks to waive at her....oh to be an only child...she was on her way to realizing the world didn't rotate around her...and then we took her to the parade...

Friday, November 21, 2008

Free Crap.....

Isn't that a nice title? Well, I am always looking for free crap. Ever since I quit my full time job to stay at home, and then added another addition, I look for free and/or cheap crap. I don't really mean crap, so I will stop saying that...but free stuff to do with my kids, with myself, etc. So here is a list of stuff to do this weekend if you are in town, and all of it is no to low cost. I am going to try to start doing this on Fridays and would love some e-mails that have ideas of other "free" things going on in town. So here goes:

1. Until January 1 (I think - but double check) Bass Pro Shop has a "Christmas" exhibit. And by exhibit I mean an entire area devoted to kids. Not only can you look at the fish, ride the glass elevator up to the "shooting range". They have an area where you can draw pictures for Santa and his elves, make a wish list, sit on Santa's lap and have a picture made and a couple of tables of trains that are low and move around. It is free (I don't know if the pic is free) WARNING: there is also tons of stuff to buy strategically placed for your children to have a melt down about. Have the talk before hand....

2. Saturday: 10 AM Jenks has it's annual Holiday Parade. Free - yet again. You can go the the Kiwana's Pancake Breakfast $4 each.

3. The Mall - always my last resort, because I can spot those booger kids a mile away, but it is free, just bring hand sanitizer....

Another idea: This one costs, but well worth it - Pump It Up and Bounce U have open play times. You can go and only pay for one kiddo $6-7 each kid. Babies that don't walk are free. Pump It Up says you have to be two, but you don't, Ragon went, they leave it to the parent's discretion. We went on Thursday, and it was sooooo stinking worth the $7.
This is the link to Bounce U with times and costs:
http://www.bounceu.com/cities/tulsa.ok/open-bounce.htm
This is the link to Pump It Up with times and costs:
http://www.pumpitupparty.com/ok/broken-arrow/tulsa-ok/calendar-p8q120.htm

One last thing, if you are looking for an events calender for Tulsa, this is the best one that I have found that is online. The Spot with the TW is good, but this online one is pretty nice, and when you click on the "+" sign, it gives you TONS of info.
http://www.visittulsa.com/events.asp?id=11

Please send me your ideas on things to do this winter with the kids that are "cost effective". I am about to go bonkers in my house and need some good play ideas. It is just me and a 21 month old, I can only color and watch Yo Gabba so many times before I lose my mind! If you e-mail me ideas for this weekend or post them in the comments, I will edit and update so everyone can get the info! Beckifrancy@aol.com

Thursday, November 20, 2008

History 101


I realized yesterday as I sat down and read through the history of my blog that I left out one very important thing in my blog. Some history. (grab a drink and sit back - it will take a while). I have no idea why I had the need to post it, but here goes...


On May 17th, 2003 David and I got married. I graduated law school May 11, 2003 and we were married not even a week later. We were married at our church by our pastor and my high school youth minister. I took the bar in July, passed and was sworn in on September 29th, 2003. It was on that date I stopped taking birth control, and we decided to start trying to have a baby.


For six months we tried to no avail. I had googled just about everything trying to diagnose myself. We quickly went to my OB, Dr. John Thompson. He agreed that I should be pregnant by now, prescribed Clomid and ordered a laprascopic surgery to determine if something was causing a problem. I had told him, I was 29 and didn't want to "keep trying" I wanted to be proactive. So he picked up the ball and ran. Not three weeks later I had surgery. When they rolled me in, I knew the "procedure" should last about 45 minutes. When I woke up in recovery a significantly longer period of time had passed. I knew the news couldn't be good. Dr. T came in and broke the news gently to David and I. Both my tubes were blocked by what appeared to be scar tissue. I had quite a bit of endometriosis....but the tube blockage was what was causing the main problem. He then referred us to Dr. Judith Blackwell.


Within two weeks we met with Dr. Blackwell (I said I wasn't playing around). We were told in vitro was the only way we could conceive. I struggled with doing fertility treatment because there are so many children to adopt. But to be honest, my insurance from work was going to cover a significant portion of the treatment, so we decided to give it a shot. During the first round, I did not create enough eggs to "harvest". More tests were ordered and we were "canceled" from the cycle. It was during that time we got bad news times two. First - my FSH levels were low, google it if interested, but lessens the likelihood of one getting pregnant. Second - we met Dr. Prough....the partner of Dr. Blackwell. He told us, with no warning and with great confidence, that I would never conceive a biological child and to look into donor eggs. He was so brash, that we actually left laughing, thinking, did that guy really smash our dreams with such ease? He actually suggested donor eggs, which I didn't want to do. I didn't care about having a biological child, but frankly, if I was going to have a child that was biologically someone else's child, I sure as heck wasn't hip to carrying it. I never had a need to be pregnant...just a need to have a child....(not opposed to donor eggs, to make it clear!)


Dr. Blackwell called and said Dr. Prough was incorrect and in her opinion we could conceive if we still wanted to do a in vitro cycle. I had come so far, I decided to do an entire cycle. Cycle 2 - same song - second verse. Still very few eggs. I had six eggs, five were able to be harvested and four were able to fertilize and four grew. I put three in...and waited. Three weeks later, a positive pregnancy test...but low levels. They were very honest, it appeared I was going to miscarry because the levels were low. The next day I started spotting, and it never stopped. My sweet friends Dionne and Carole came to my house to sit with me as I went through this. Once I had fully miscarried - we went to Senior Tequilas and had some much needed margaritas....This was in August of 2005.


After that I was done. I didn't even want to think about having children. I poured myself into my work, neglected my marriage, we bought a boat, I think another car...and David and I lived parallel lives. We decided to take a cruise with our friends the Ducatos. We went on a one week cruise, secretly I hoped to get pregnant - who was I kidding...but I "started" on the cruise. That was April 2006.


Also in April we were contacted by a family who had a young daughter, Rachael, who was pregnant. They were looking for a family. We communicated every week and decided to fly to Texas to meet them in July 2006. I fell in love with Rachael and her family. We sent pictures back and forth. We even convinced them to have an open adoption so that the family could follow up on the baby girl and maybe meet her one day if they chose. They finally decided that an open adoption wasn't so bad. I had saved the ultrasound to my desktop at work. I booked the hotel, flight and car....we were going to get a baby! But we didn't tell anyone, to this day, I am not sure why....


In May of 2006 we (my sisters and I) were asked to speak at a mother's day breakfast. That is really what I needed. To talk about my mom, with my sisters, who were all mom's at a mother's day breakfast....HELLO - all I wanted to do was be a mom!!!!! I digress.....so I wrote my speech on how much I admired my mother. But ended with how my mom had continued to remind me that through my infertility that I would have a family. That is right girls - I stood up in front of all the women in our church, balled my eyes out and told them that I couldn't get pregnant. Our pastor saw it and asked me to speak in church the next day. I thought - what the heck....so I did. And I balled again. But I was painfully honest about my inability to have a family.


Not even a month later......I was pregnant....


You guessed it.....tears. To be honest - they were tears of sorrow. I had a baby, it was in Texas, to be born in September. I couldn't do both...I was devastated. I thought we figured out God's plan, it was Rachael's baby. I was so confused and hurt. The only person in my family I would admit my misery to was my baby sister, Molly. I knew she would understand and not judge me for being sad that I was pregnant. She understood, didn't judge me and helped me through my feelings and helped me to get back around to happy. I killed me to tell Rachael and her mom that we got pregnant....she cried, I cried again....but eventually she found another family, had her beautiful baby girl, (she sent me pictures) and they had an open adoption....


Ragon was born Feburary 20th, 2007....My doctor asked me if I wanted birth control...I thought he was crazy, I told him after all the fertility money I spent, was he on crack? He said "if" I was to get pregnant again, it would be in the first year. Ragon's first year flew by and no baby...On her first birthday....I was sick as a dog....and guess what? Greyson Michael Francy....Picture is David after Greyson's birth. Look closely. Scrubs has both their feet print from their births...


So that is my scoop....that is how my family became a family. I am very open to fertility questions, and anything you might want to know. I love to pray for those trying to have a family, and I am open to telling you all the nitty gritty about fertility treatments. But please hear this....Dr. Thompson, Dr. Blackwell and Dr. Prough are excellent physicians. I do not blame them that "they" could not get me pregnant....If I had gotten pregnant, I would not give them the credit either...You see I believe God had a plan for my family. And the best or worst doctors in the world can't and won't change that plan. If you call me wanting a better physician or a different referral, you will get complete honesty from me. If you want a physician to fix your problem, you are looking to the wrong healer.....


Monday, November 17, 2008

Enough about me....

I used to think it was funny to say, "Enough talking about me, let's talk about you...what do YOU think about me?"....Cute, huh? Well these past few nights have been rough...my man apparently believes that growth spurts should be a night only issue...so we have been waking for full feedings every two hours at night...sometimes during the day...but mostly at night he is trying to increase the flow...nice huh?

So I decided after weeks of reading through my fellow blogger's blogs....what can I do for you? Well, I can pray. So there it is. I am up 3-4 times a night and trust me, there isn't a lot to watch in the early a.m. I will admit, I will watch Scrubs, Murphy Brown, Family Matters, but could I be doing something better with my time? Sure - I could pray. Why don't I do some growing of my own while I am up breastfeeding my little dude.

So please, post a comment and let me know how I can pray for you over the next few weeks. I know some might be personal, so feel free to e-mail me instead at beckifrancy@aol.com I don't have to know you. And I assure you I will keep your request confidential if you wish. I am a lawyer, I can keep secrets like no one's business! More importantly - I commit to praying specifically for your need until Jan. 1, 2009. And then I will check in with you. If you are not a believer, I will still pray for you, all you have to do is ask....

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Silence....it says so much....

My sister Molly and I often get tickled at eachother. Molly decided to build her family through adoption, so she enjoys often snickering at her sisters as we struggle with the fun things about pregnancy. It isn't mean or nasty and usually puts me in a good mood and helps me laugh at myself. So this story is for Molly...

SOOOO..this morning I get up feeling extra thin. I mean I put on a lot less weight with Greyson than I did with Ragon. I went to the doctor yesterday and weighed in at less than I did after Ragon was over two months old...so I am skinny right? I go in my closet and get out my "Fat Girl" jeans....surely these will fit....So I pull on my awesome granny panties with the double pads to cover my c-section incision and well you know where the other one goes....and I pull them up...The go all the way up, I smile at my husband slyly....yes babe...I am sexy...I am thinking to myself! The problem, they in NO WAY are going to button or zip around my saggy belly....My husband being sweet, says, "honey, why don't you put on my jeans"...Now generally I might be offended, but come on, I just had a baby...so I thought...Good Idea...I jump in the shower and ask him to grab my "Fat Girl" jeans and measure them to his and get some that are bigger....as I shower I notice something....complete silence....not a word coming from him, and he was gone a while....finally he pokes his head in the shower and says, "Are you sure you want to wear jeans today?" I about fell down laughing....I interpret this to mean there aren't any jeans that are bigger than my fat girl jeans....I laughed because I wondered how long he stood there thinking of what to say as to not bring a stream of tears....but I have a sense of humor...however, I did picture my sister Molly laying on the ground laughing so hard she almost wet her pants!

I go in the closet determined that even after giving birth I could wear his jeans....I was right...they fit, I don't know which part he was measuring, but I am wearing them...and guess what girls, I look HOT! Okay - maybe not hot, but they aren't maternity!

Monday, November 10, 2008

Two Weeks Old....
















I can't believe that Greyson is two weeks old today. Ironically, today is the day that he was "supposed" to be born. But he had other plans. Anyway - here are some hospital pics that I couldn't ever get to show online. Also there is a pic of our current status of regression. Ragon is sitting in his carseat in front of the tv with her bunny and Greyson's bunny. It was pretty funny, I was doing my hair and she got real quite. It you have a toddler, you are concerned the most when they aren't making noise. I came around the corner and this is what I saw.....Also - I found a way to help Grey sleep. I take off my tank top at the end of the day and put it on his sleep positioner.....he thinks I am holding him all the time....and he sleeps like a dream! Enjoy the pics....some new, some old! Also included is a picture of Ragon that I think is gorgeous....it is of the day we came to the hospital...we literally brought her in pj's and threw a bow in her hair. Here is a pic of her in a stroller, my mother-in-law's sweatshirt and no bow....and she still looks pretty!

Friday, November 7, 2008

Woohoo...and stuff....


I love this picture, my mom took it in the hospital. I promise - more pics later!


Quick update. Greyson had his two week check up today (okay - so he isn't quite two weeks). But two prayers were answered:


1. With Ragon I had such a hard time breast feeding her, and she didn't ever really gain weight until we supplemented her. Not the same with Mr. Man. He was born weighing 7 lbs. 2 oz, and went home 6 lbs. 9 oz. On week one, he weighed in at 6 lbs 13 oz. Today.....7 lbs 7 oz....WOOOOHOOOO....


2. If you are familiar with Max - my sister Laura's son, he has a rare condition called Diabetes Insipidus. Anyway - it is carried by the Mama's in our family and passed on mostly to our son's. So we had Greyson tested. They do a blood test and test the boy's sodium levels. We did one test in the hospital and it came out good, so we tested again today. And his sodium levels are perfect. In addition to the weight gains and good appetite, it does not appear that Greyson has DI. We will continue to keep watch on it, but for now, we are in the clear. Yeah!!!


Ragon is getting used to Greyson and I think has begun to realize that he is not leaving. So she has accepted it....more like embraced it. She now wakes up and asks for Bubba and wants to hold him and point to all his body parts. We haven't shown her the MAIN difference between the two of them yet. We were thinking by the time she was about 16....is that too late?

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Just to make you laugh....I was breastfeeding Greyson at my parents house today. It was just us girls....and the kiddos. My nephew Owen, who is not familiar with the whole breastfeeding thing, came over and stood by me. He looked at me very intently for a few minutes....and then sweetly asked..."Is he chewing?"

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Breaking All The Rules....
















Okay - I am sure you are shocked that this Type A Momma has rules. Yep...we are all about schedules, teaching ourselves to sleep, etc. BUT....for the first few weeks of their tiny lives...we break all the rules. For Example, Greyson went through his first growth spurt the last two nights (you remember the 7-10 day one)....he wanted to eat every two hours, that is from the start of the feedings...not two hours in between. I was half tempted to have my husband take a picture of me this morning, I was so tickled at how bad I looked. I looked like I had been out all night partying...and was just coming home. I woke up this morning, to my husband with a little panicked look on his face, "Where is Greyson?", I simply pulled back the sheets and revealed his little man hooked to a breast.....yeah...I did that. I am not the kind of mom that sleeps with her kids (not that I am opposed to this, it just doesn't work for me). But as of 5:00 a.m. this morning, I would have shaved my head to get just two hours of straight sleep.

Other updates....The Baby Blues, seem to be drifting away....so that is good news. Bad news - we only had our house on the market for 45 days and it didn't sell. Which is a total stinker, but we are not done! We are going to try again in the spring. Long story short, three days after we listed the house, the owner of the land parallel to our house petitioned to have the area rezoned to commercial and multi family and then the interest rates shot up two percent. So that was awesome in helping us sell. Hopefully the economy will be a little more stable in the spring and we can finally build our house in Trinity Creek.

Kim - I am a freak, my mom and I drove over yesterday so I could show her where we were planning to build. All of the sudden I became a stalker and stopped looking at houses and wondered if I would see you out with Ty or picking Ella up from school. If you see a semi-fat blond woman hop out of a car, hobbling and start chasing you....it's just me!

Here are the pics. Aunt Molly has been disappointed in our posting of pics. I am feeling a lot better and have batteries in my camera....so I will hopefully do a lot more pic posting!

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Gods Hand....


I know I did a kind of depressing post yesterday, but I SOOO appreciate you women/amazing friends/family and your comments. So I wanted to do a more upbeat post. Because I feel a little more upbeat.

During my fast delivery and scary c-section...some amazing things happen to remind me that my God is every constant, faithful and with me....here they are...


1) When I went into labor at my house, I literally RAN out the door with David. I didn't have a thing packed. I had meant to go by Mardels after finding out I was going to have a c-section. So I could buy a clinging cross. I thought I had more time. To make this short - my sister in law had one. So I had my mom call her, but by the time she got a hold of her she was already on her way to the hospital. SO - I told her not to say anything. I knew she would feel the need to turn around and go get it. She showed up a short time later...she looked at me and whispered..."have we prayed yet?" She knew I was scared, I replied no...not yet....so slipped something into my hand....it was her clinging cross. How in the world did she know? I had never mentioned it to her...but God moved her that morning. And she did as he directed her heart....


2) My girlfriend - Karissa (AKA Dorita) Is a NICU nurse at St. Francis. She has been there for both Laura's and my children's birth. I so wanted her there. I called her on the way to the hospital, she was doing everything she could to make it. I knew she would make it in time to catch Greyson. I kept pleading with her, "Karissa, be honest, if something is wrong - just tell me". Anyway - they took me to the OR, I was all by myself (and my cross) they delayed the procedure because another woman began to deliver before me...I sat their alone...rubbing my cross - with complete strangers...I kept praying...Come on God...Keep me calm, I need you..I need to see you...The spinal block took FOUR tries...but I kept my cool...they laid me down, on my way down, I saw them...the eyes of my life long friend poking over the surgical scrubs....God was reminding me....he was still there....


Just a reminder to look for the things that GOD does do in our lives, even when we are so scared, take a deep breath and look for him...and then listen...above is a picture of the clinging cross....and the poem attached...


When my mind is fuzzy

And my eyes are dim with tears,

I need to feel Your presence, Lord,

And know that You are near.

When my heart is racing

And my thoughts have such a sting,

I tightly grasp this little cross

And prayerfully I cling.

It's not a magic piece -

This cross Your father planned,

But when I cling to it

I feel Your nail-scarred hand.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Keeping it Real....

A friend on mine has a blog...she mentioned she was keeping it real...in that spirit so will I. I always pride myself on being honest with things, because as Christians we should be honest with our struggles, that is how others grow...and heck, it just makes everyone realize they and YOU are normal. So...here we go...last night it came back. What you ask? The Baby Blues. If you aren't familiar with this....it is like the mini me version of Post Partum Depression. I don't get it horribly bad, but I get it. I got it with Ragon, and was hoping to avoid it with Greyson. But whatever I was hoping, here it is. If you have had it - pray for me. If you have not, just know it could happen to you. The reason this is important? Because it can freak you out. I sat here this morning and wait for it....I was crying because I was crying. Yep - I felt bad for feeling bad. Today I have felt: 1) like a crappy mom because i can't pick up my 20 month old or get down and play with her well. 2) Like a crappy wife - my husband does everything and I mean everything and there isn't anything I can do for him. 3)nauseated: I feel sick to my stomach during this time so I am forcing down food to keep up my breast milk 4) ridiculous - why am I crying, my children are healthy and alive, i have a wonderful husband, etc. So there it is folks - the down and dirty on me.

All this to say, pray for me and my family. I hate this part of the process. But I am praying and relying on God to take this from me.

Finally, and a random thought. If you want to think I am weird go ahead, I am used to it. My sister adopted her three children. I learned on her blog that some (adoptive) moms decide to nurse their children. To do this, many use this awesome contraption and other mother's breast milk to get their milk to come in. This round my breast milk is some good stuff. I am talking half and half people. With Ragon it was skim milk. Anyway - all that to say - if you know someone who is adopting and planning on trying to breastfeed, these women have to track down the breast milk. Let me know. Leave a comment, your e-mail, phone or something. But I would love to pump and save up for some mom....Breastfeeding your children is so fun and bonding, and not everyone CAN do it....so if you CAN and you want to.....let me know! And no it isn't for sale, it is a gift....and no I don't need to know them. I learned from a good friend Kim, you don't have to know someone to have an amazing impact on their life.....